On a rainy Wednesday

Dear God,

You always know how to brighten my day! I wasn't having such a good day, mostly me feeling sick and getting out of breath by lap two of Walk, Jog, and Run. I haven't had much of an appetite either, due to me being sick. So when I was driving home, the wind was blowing so hard that I couldn't resist rolling down my windows. Riding down the bipass, I had my windows down, music blaring and a big smile on my face. You are awesome, God, and I love You more and more everyday that I get to know You better. Thank you for those few minutes where I felt completely free of all worry and it was just You, me, and Clemintine.
Oh! And thank You for the rainy weather. Now I get to wear my zebra-striped rain boots! (which I found for 6 dollars at Target! Thanks again!)

Really God, You're fabulous. I'm so thankful to know You.

The dark cloud above the tree in this polaroid was in view from the Darton parking lot to my house. I thought it was really neat. It was a long dark cloud amongst all the lighter ones, but it stayed with me through the whole ride home. Just like You did. But unlike that silly cloud, You stay with me forever. (: Thanks for keeping me company.

love, me.

Superfox! Superfox!

My life is slowly but surely getting back on track. Like I said in my earlier post, I bought this amazing book. It is changing my life and making me realize that its silly of me to waste my time on a silly boy when I should enjoy me! I LOVE this book.

I will quote more later. I'm actually really hungry.

Oh, and today some guy brought a snake into hibachi. It was so awesome.

The guy said his snake's name was Trey. This is so much better than me finding penises drawn on the bathroom mirror.

Anyways. My day was exciting. I made plans to go to the movies with Erin this weekend. Its time to get my life back. (: Yay me! I'm awesome, spectacular, and a superfox. Ohhhh yeeeeahhh!

love, me.

Over and over

I dreamed about you last night. again.
Am I going crazy or is this forreal? Are these signs of hope, or just wishful thinking?
I wish I knew the answer. The very thought of you still makes me catch my breath.
I dreamed we were back at the beach, just you and me.
Everything was so perfect, so silly, so surreal, so us!
Then I woke up.
I still can't listen to over half of my ipod. I hope this passes soon. I went out and bought a book Erin recommended, so I hope this helps me.
But I still can't help but feel this gut feeling that this is something real.
Is it not? Or is it? And if it is, what are we doing?
love, me.

You are wonderfully spectacular

God,
Thank You for reminding me how amazing You really are. I got out of my car tonight, and I felt so sad (You know the reasons, no need to share with the whole world). Then I looked up, and voila! The sky took my breath away! There were so many stars, and it was all so clear. It was beautiful. I showed Aud too, I think if she could converse, she'd say she loved it too.
Thank You for that, it brightened my whole day.
I love You.
love, me.

Happy Birthday MLK (:

I lied. (:
I woke up yesterday morning and felt like death, so I had to call in to work for the first time in forever. Yesterday I spent the whole day on the couch and trying to feel better. I think I threw up once, and it was because I coughed too much and irritated my reflux system. bleh! Today I woke up and felt a little better, and Katie, Austin and I cleaned the whole house. I went to work and found out that everyone else at work was sick too, so Ms. Terri and I worked together, and it was SOOO slow. Ms. Terri made scallops and they were actually pretty good.
Also, I'm terribly broke. I still owe Justin for my movie ticket. (Justin, if you read this, I promise you I will pay you back as soon as I get cash moneys!) I can't wait until Wednesday. Also, I can't wait until our tax returns come in. I need to go out and buy those two books Erin was talking about. I need to do something... Because if I keep up with going on this track I'm on now I'm guaranteed to go absolutely crazy. I need to find a hobby. I plan on painting my room. I'm collecting Vitamin Water wrappers and I plan on making a neat collage with it for my room.
Anyways, I don't have anything interesting to write... I have to read a chapter in my psychology book. So I hope I will have a clever idea to talk about tomorrow. (:
love, me.

Apparently I'm Vitamin C deprived

My whole body hurts. You know that point right before you get really sick where your body feels weak and its overall really sore? Well, I have that now. My throat has been dry for the past two days and I can't breathe through my nose. I'm pretty sure my voice will be gone by tomorrow, which will not be good because I have to work again. But I shan't call in! I'll suck it up naturally. (: I don't like getting sick though, its never any fun.
Last night I had a wonderful time hanging out with Erin and Justin, both are amazing people. We went to see Gran Tarino (omgsp?) and it was REALLY good. Super funny, and very brutally honest and true. I loved it. After that, we went to steak n shake and spent a good 2 hours talking about life.
Justin made a good point, and I can't quote him on this because I don't remember everything he said, but it mostly consisted of him saying perhaps we shouldn't focus on all the negative things, but just be happy with the little things. Appreciate everything we've given, things we do, people we know and love, and just enjoy the time we have. Never get your hopes up, just accept everything for what it is. So I figured, wow! genius! why didn't I think of that? Its time for me to stop worrying so much and thinking how awful my life is, and just enjoy it. Afterall, God gave me this life, shouldn't I be happy with it? I'm going to start enjoying the little things in life. Appreciate the people who come in and out of it, and know that everything is just a learning experience. We're here to learn, to tell others about God, and just simply be!
Earlier that day, Erin and I walked the track and had a lovely girl talk. I've realized I must stop being a silly, hopeless girl and actually live my life. If people don't want to be around me, so be it! There loss anyways! I need to just be me, live my life, and eventually he will come. (by 'he' I mean that special boy saved just for me!) Until then, so what if I get lonely? I need to learn to rely solely on myself. Be utterly and completely independent. So far, I feel I'm mostly there. I do for myself, and I won't rely on anyone for anything. So now I have to learn to self-soothe and realize that I have to work on the relationship with myself before I ever consider a relationship with another person.
So, to sum all of this up, I've realized I'm going to start just living in the moment, love and cherish everyone who I come into contact with, and simply be.
Anyways, enough of my ranting. My back is killing me and my nose is stuffy. I have lots of classwork and work again tomorrow with Bill. yay! Anyways, I'm off to recharge before my super busy day.
love, me.

We are indeed from two different planets!

My classes are starting to pick up, which I'm rather excited for. Math is still super boring, and I finished my notes, classwork and homework before he was done with his lecture so the last 20 minutes of class I just sat there and looked cute. haaa!
Mr. Daniell's class was wonderful, I know already I'm going to look forward to his class every Tuesday and Thursday and learn a lot. He's so interesting. We talked today just about the basic info and history of psychology. Then we talked about how different girls and guys really are. He read a very humorous forward message to our class also. (And acknowledged the fact that he as well deletes e-mails that say FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:omg something awesome! haahaha.) It was a diary between a man and a wife. The wife had a huge essay-like entry where she talked about how she went shopping with her friends for the entire day, and she arrived late at the bar she planned to meet her husband at. he was quiet, and she was upset because she thought maybe she had made him mad in the process. so she tried to carry on a conversation with him, and he was quiet and a little distant. She then asked if he wanted to go somewhere quiet, so he said, 'sure' and they went and he still didn't say much. by this time she is panicking. on the way home she was like, 'did i do something wrong? are you mad at me? what did i do?' and he said 'nothing. it doesn't concern you, so don't worry about it.' (note to any guy who reads this, we, as in us females, ALWAYS believe we did something wrong. seriously. it's a silly flaw in our DNA make-up to make us think this way... but seriously, you need to do some hardcore convincing.) she then says, 'i love you' and he smiles and doesn't say anything. so she freaks out, and they go home, then they both watch TV and nothing. then she goes to bed, and 15 minutes later he comes in and she starts to 'caress' him and he responds and they do the nasty. then he falls asleep and she cries. TYPICAL.
so his entry is this, and Mr. daniell didn't even have to read this, he memorized it: I missed a 8 point buck today. Kinda sucks but at least I got laid.
At this, the entire class cracks up. So typical! Makes me realize I'm positively stupid and wasting my time whenever a guy i care about gets quiet, before and now forever after I won't worry with it unless I do know that I made a mistake. Why waste so much time on worrying and crying over a guy when I didn't do anything wrong? This was so funny. Mr. Daniell said, 'guys are retards. you need to take us by the hand and tell us, explicitly, what you want us to do!"
I know I'm going to learn so much from this class. And get a few good laughs out of it.
On another note, I've come to realize that I need to be more organized. (yes, I know, I'm late on realizing this... but better now than never!) I've started reading Crate and Barrel magazines religiously while I ponder on the toilet. (LAWLseriously!) And I cannot wait until I have my very own place! Its going to be positively darling! I have color schemes plotted in my mind ATM and I cannot wait for them to be unleashed.
Mom and I watched the first part of Lucille Ball's movie, "The long, long trailer" and it made me realize I can't wait to get married. Plus the fact that all my friends seem to be getting asked the question left and right, it gets me all antsy. How great! They get proposed to, and I get broken up with. Just lovely!
Don't get me wrong, I plan on getting married after I graduate (God forbid baby numero dos comes a bit too early. eek!) But I wish my friends would wait too. I'm scared for them. I just hope they know what can happen if they get married too soon and that they wait until after they graduate and get permanent, well paying jobs. I know they're so excited though. I'm excited for them. It must be nice knowing that you already know that you've found the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Either way, I know God has someone really special waiting for me, no telling how long it'll take to find him. Who knows? Maybe I know him now, but we just aren't ready for that sort of thing. But I can't wait until the day comes that I do have that person to share a life with! But first, college. (: Gotta focus all my energy and time on this so I can get the best job eventually. And so far, I love all my classes and I'm doing fairly well. So lets hope this continues.
Also, am I crazy for holding on? God, will you give me a sign? I'd really appreciate that. I feel in my gut this is the right thing, but am I wrong? Will you tell me? Or show me a sign? Thanks. (: Oh, and Thanks for the weather too, God. It's awesome. I love opening the drive-thru window now at Hibachi, the cool wind feels so nice. Thank You!
Anyways, I gotta go get ready for work. Hopefully tonight will be good.
Until next time!
love, me.

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered

I spent my entire Sunday doing my homework and watching old movies. It was wonderful.

Frank Sinatra is wonderful, just thought I'd put that out there. If he was alive today, I would strive to be his best friend because he is fabulous.

Not only is he fabulous, but he is totally adorable. Why can't there be classy guys like him now-a-days? I'd totally be down for that.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. I'm awful tired and I'm ready to snuggle close to my sheets and dream of lovely things before school time. Hopefully tomorrow will be good. (:

Goodnight lurkers.

love, me.

You caged yourself, lovely

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself"
- Paul Varjack, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Happy Friday, darlings

TGIF! I had a lovely day. Erin and I walked the track about 15 times talking about boys and our psycho relationships we've been in. It was lovely. I love having girl talk. She told me something rather interesting too that gave me slight hope that maybe I wasn't completely loosing my mind. Yay for hopefulness!
Tonight I got to work at the Albany store, which I love dearly. Everything looks and smells so much better there. Even the Mexicans are nicer, as are the customers. The other night I tried something new, be nice to every single customer despite their douchiness. By being nice, I mean I started conversations with them, suggested my favorite things, etc. I think I made a couple friends too! I could tell I brightened some of those people's days. It was lovely. It made me feel good too. So naturally, I'm going to be that way more often, and not only at work, but everywhere!
So tonight I worked with Ramsey and Brandon, and it was loads of fun. Ramsey was sick, so she had to leave early. I hope she feels better. ): Brandon and I talked a lot while we sat there for 2 hours bored until closing time. I reconsidered ever moving in with friends, because I wouldn't want that to ruin any friendship of mine!
So I know I am rambling on in this, but I don't know what else to do but update and tell people about my silly, little life and the stuff that happens in it. I can't wait to get in shape from running and exercising!
Oh, and thank you sooooo much God for the cold weather. I didn't think it would ever come! But its finally here! Thank You! I got to wear my adorable old navy dream coat. I was totally stoked! That with a cute baby doll black dress and red pumps. Yes, I looked good. (: I told Ms. Gassel about my buck-up buttercup ring and she laughed and thought it was a cute idea. Maybe one day this will become a fad and every hopeful girl will do the same. Make a promise to yourself not to be a sad, hopeless, depressed individual and live life for the moment and enjoy everything. Again, thanks God for that idea. Its awesome. (: But You're awesome.
So anyways. Sorry readers/lurkers for the outrageously boring post. I promise you I'll have something interesting soon. But as of now my brain is fried and I'm exhausted. Goodnight world!

p.s.

I know this is a good two weeks late, but we got new shirts! Yay Hibachi!

love, me.

Buck up, buttercup!

Today as I was sitting in my car with Aud waiting for Ramsey to pull up at Moes, I happened to look over and see possibly one of the cutest/saddest things ever. A friend of mine and his girlfriend both came out to their car that was parked a couples spaces from mine. The wind was blowing way too hard today and so the girl twirled around with her hands in the air and stopped and grinned at her boy friend. He smiled one of those smiles (you know, the ones that say 'wow. you're amazing. what did i do to deserve you!?') and he walked over, opened her car door, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and shut her door after she got in. he walked back over to his side, and he smiled a little. (it was the kind of smile saying 'wow. i'm the luckiest person alive.') he got in his car, and they both laughed and smiled at each other, and drove off.

It didn't hit me until today how lonely I am. A couple months ago I was that girl. What happened? It broke my heart all over again seeing this.

So, to make up for my saddness, I did what any other girl might have done... Went to Target to buy a "buck-up buttercup, it'll happen one day!" 'diamond' ring for myself. Its beautiful, see?



Its my promise to myself not to ever have an almost-emotional breakdown like that ever again, because I know one day I will be right back there in her shoes, and I won't ever take those moments for granted again.
love, me.

Go Cavaliers!

So far I love all of my classes. (: 099 Math is ultra easy, but that is nothing new. 097 was easy as crap as well. Walk, Jog and Run will be fun cause I have a couple friends in that class, the teacher is super funny and too chill, and I'm excited to get in shape! 1102 English with Gassel is going to be a blast as well, because she is one of my favorite teachers. I feel like I let her down last semester, so this semester I want to make an even better grade and turn in everything on time. Today I had my psychology class meet, and my teacher, Mr. Daniell, is probably one of the funniest teacher's I've ever had since Mr. Matheny. He was a Vietnam vet., 63 years old, and he is a minister, who 'is not religious'. This was terribly humorous, so I shall talk about it on this entry!
So a classmate asked him why he was cursing (saying 'everyone say, hell yeah!' and 'damn!') but was still a minister. And he answered her with saying something along the lines of "Well... I'm not religious. I am just like you. I believe strongly in my faith, and I ain't afraid to share it. I won't lie to you saying I read the Bible every day for 5 hours straight, cause that just ain't true and you're lying if you say so! But I believe strongly in my faith."
I love that. I hate ministers, preachers, whatever you are, who do nothing but quote the Bible. God gave us brains to think! Use them! He was very chill, Mr. Daniell. He was telling us of his son who has been in jail a couple times, blah blah... its nice to know that people who also follow the Lord do not have the picture-perfect lives. I always feel like preachers are degrading and judging me by what I've been through in my life, but it was nice to see that he teaches others about God and his life isn't so perfect. That's what makes things good, unique: the imperfection of it all.
Seriously, why preach "do not judge others" when you do the same? Its sad.
I look forward to his class, I know I will learn a lot from him! And get a good laugh at the same time!
So this semester, I am going to promise myself a couple things:
1 - study! Seriously Lindsey, STUDY.
2 - loose 30 lbs. (or at least get in shape)
3 - don't loose contact with God.
4 - appreciate life for what it is and the little surprises that come with it.
5 - stay on top of your school work!
6 - be Hibachi's best employee - it'll look good on future resumes.
7 - love everybody!
8 - guard your heart with your life. it's too precious to break again.
9 - income tax money: put half in savings. the other half, put towards new paint job for Car, pay off car bills for dad (thanks for being so lenient.) other fourth, put in checking account.
10 - just enjoy every day, because you'll never have it again!

Okay. I plan to keep these promises to myself! (: I'm so excited for this semester! It's going to be so much fun. Thank you God for my great classes and great teachers!
love, me.

And you're not discreet

"I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending."
- Dashboard Confessionals

Size 2 jeans, here I come!

So I actually sat down today and watched an entire episode of the Biggest Loser. I gotta say, I'm so very inspired to loose weight now! A guy on there lost 30 pounds in a week! :O :O :O (okay, i know, he was like, 45o lbs. but still) how awesome is that!? I want to loose weight so bad. I miss my old size. (My size 2 jeans are still sitting in my closet, awaiting the day I can fit into them again)
Gaining 50 pounds because of having a baby sucks major. I used to be so skinny! I miss it! I'm taking Walk, Jog & Run class MWF so I hope to use this to my advantage to get in shape. Also, I hope to hit up the gym too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I loose weight before summer time. :D Yay!
Anyways, school is tomorrow (eek!) I'm scared. I hope I have fun people in my class and that I will bring my grades up. Lee County High School prepared me for absolutely nothing, so now I am making up for everything. sigh. Goodnight, world. Until next time!
love, me.

Here's to you, God

Dear God,
I've heard so much about Jet Travolta (sp?) and his death. Its all over the news. He was only 16, he was younger than me. It always freaks me out a little bit when someone younger than me dies. Not really sure why, maybe the fact that it could have happened to me? So sure, I don't have random seizures and all... but anything could happen. I could get in a car accident, my heart could stop beating, etc. Everything is precious, thank You God for letting me have this day. Thank You for letting me have all of the previous days of my life.
Its so sad knowing that his (Jet) life is over. However, it makes me sad knowing any life is over. So sure, I know, they get to come be with You. Lucky them, huh? But it still tends to make me sad. He won't get the opportunity to grow up, to get married, to have children, and to grow old. Yes, I know he will be happier up in Heaven with You... But it still makes me sad. I can't wait to do all of these things, and it breaks my heart knowing he won't ever have the chance to do so.
I remember on the drive up to Columbus, U2 (yes, I know, I'm lame) played on my ipod, their song Beautiful Day, and I rolled down my windows (going 65 mph, mind you) and the wind was blowing through my hair, and as I took in everything, I could feel You there. You're amazing, You really are. Little moments like that make me realize that I'm so greatful to know You. Thank You for everything You've ever given me, God. And thank You for everything I will recieve in the future. Thank You for every single breath I take, and for helping me through the harder parts in life. If I didn't have You, I'd never have made it this far.
You're amazing, and I love You. Just wanted You to know that, God. Even though You already knew that. Just figured I'd put that in writing... It works out better that way. :P
love, me.

To put grey in your life

Hello again,
I'd much rather sit here, hunched over my laptop then watch ATHF on TV. This show has gotten so stupid. Or have I grown up? It may as well be both.
I was thinking today about Ramsey, and what she told me. I love her dearly, she is one of my best friends. Some may not see it, but to me, she knows so much to be so young. I never think of things the way she does, and the other day, what she told me made perfect sense.
Life is black and white, or at least the boring, simple people feel that way. Black and white, plain and simple. Easy. You have to add grey (or color, whatever you'd prefer) in the lives of those who only want to see black and white, to make their lives more exciting. Some people were raised to believe that the only safe way out is to live in black and white. They are supposed to run away from things when life gets hard, when grey people come. How come they won't let the grey in? Let the color in? Don't they know that it would help them? Who wants to see life in black and white again when you've had the chance to see in color, or grey?
I'm that grey. I'm the color. Or at least I like to think of myself as that. Why is it that people shy away from me? They shy away from the color? Ramsey and I are so much alike, yet so different. I think things through, and she acts on impulse. But we've been through the same things, and we know and understand each other. She told me I was the grey, the color. I never really thought of myself this way. I am here to put color and excitement into other people's lives, God blessed me with this and so naturally I have to use it! I always pictured myself as having a black and white kind of life. But we only have one life, so shouldn't we live it to the fullest? We should be grey everyday!
50 years from now I want to look back and know that I tried my best, I lived my life the way God intended for me to do, and I make myself proud. I don't want to look back and think, "oh, well, maybe I should have taken up that opportunity and not go the predictable route."
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a life altering movie. One of those rare flicks that shakes you to your very core. A main quote in there was that our life is defined by the opportunities in it - the ones taken and the ones passed up. It made so much sense!

"maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away" - Carrie Bradshaw

Shush. I know I'm lame for quoting a SATC character (get used to it, you'll see this a lot) but I really do love this quote. It was in an episode I watched earlier that triggered this thought process.
There was an episode earlier in the series where Mr. Big was getting married to some plain girl he got with after he and Carrie broke up. When Carrie confronted him after their rehearsal dinner, she quoted an old movie saying, "Your girl is lovely, Hubble." and he responded with, "I don't get it." and she ended with saying "you never did!" and walked away. After that, he watched after her and she realized that maybe he wasn't the one who needed to be tamed, and perhaps he could never tame her, but she had to find someone just as wild to run with her. Why is it that everyone always settles for the black and white? the plain girl was the black and white, and Carrie was the grey. Was Big scared of Carrie? Were his feelings for her too overwhelming for him to handle? Perhaps he loved her so much he frightened himself? Perhaps he felt he had to live life more before he settled? Eventually he realized that the plain girl wasn't for him, and he and Carrie got together. (10 YEARS LATER!!) But why must people always have to be so stubborn and not except the grey when it first comes?
I think its all a growing thing. So yes, the grey/colorfulness is terribly overwhelming (frightening even), so the black and white must grow and learn about themselves before they can ever begin to take in the grey. I still think it is silly, but then again seeing color for the first time is overwhelming.
Ramsey fits the color description to a T. When she walks into a room, the whole room lights up. I wish sometimes I could be more like her. She is probably the most powerful person I've ever met. She says the same about me, but I don't see it. She told me of this grey/black/white world, and now when I see people and see things that happen to people, I think of that. Then I go into a coma of watching SATC for hours and it makes so much sense! Big was scared of Carrie! Why must guys always be so dumb? Honestly Big, you're retarded. Then again, for Big's arguement, he honestly had no clue what he had until she was gone.
I hope to put color in everyone's lives and change them forever. I know one day I'll find that special person who loves the color I bring and will treasure it forever. (whether I know him now, or not). I hope I color his black and white world and forever change him for the better. (whether I have already, or not).
So yeah, enough of me ranting. I think I'll go to sleep now. Evee is probably hating me now, for she has been on all day, poor dear.
Anyways, goodnight world. Until tomorrow or whenever the urge to write strikes me.
love, me.

Hello, hello lovely!

Hiiiiiiiii!
I've been meaning to start one of these for forever now. What better time than the very beginning of a new year that will be the starting year for the rest of my life. (:
I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom on Evee (which is the name of my darling, yellow Dell laptop) typing this up because I just got the urge to do so. Cleaning my room is a daily ritual I must do everyday, mostly because it winds up messy every day. (thank you, darling daughter of mine). The last couple online journals, blogs, and so forth I've ever made ended on bad terms. So I figured this time I will write lovely things, things I'm curious about, things I'm thinking of, notes to God, and everything in between. I shan't write mean, hurtful things... but everything else! Optimisim is something I've developed over time, and I think it fits me better than being negative. Then again, it fits everyone better, not just me.
Anyways, enough about all this, I have to get back to cleaning my room. I've already organized my closet, which is the hardest part. (I need a bigger closet. I agree with Carrie Bradshaw when she told Big, "I don't need a diamond ring. Just get me a really big closet!" hopefully Future Fiance *insert ' above the 'e'*, whoever the lucky guy should be, will take that to heart. Plus a nice ring. :P )
Audios gatitos, until the next urge to write gets me!
oh, and P.S.:
Our cat, Fatty, died over the weekend. ): RIP Fatty!
love, me.