I can't think of a witty title today.

Today in psychology we talked about conditioned learning and reflex. Somehow we got on the subject of him and his midlife crisis. He said he bought a yellow sports car and it hydroplaned and ever since then he freaks out and has difficulty maintaining good blood pressure level when he drives in the rain. He also said the reason he picked that car was because in the commercial it said that the first red light he stops at, a gorgeous redhead, blue-eyed beauty would jump in. And he goes to tell us that it did work! And we were like, 'huh? who are you talking about?" and he goes, "well my wife, duh!" and we all had our laughs. He then got this certain look on his face... He smiled, and said "Yep, my wife. She's wonderful. None of you guys know what being in love really feels like, its something that grows in time. It takes a while, but when you get there its something you couldn't imagine living without. I'd hate to see my life without her. 43 years now, and its still perfect."
It got me thinking, what, with everyone saying how much in love with each other they are, are we ever really in love with them? What if we are just infatuated and feel that we are in love with being in love? What if he was right?
And if he is right, then what feelings have we all felt before? What is that feeling you get when that one person walks into the room.. and you have to remember to keep breathing? When the second your eyes lock you feel yourself getting weak in the knees? When just listening to his heartbeat is all you really want to do for the rest of forever? When you can see yourself growing old with that person? When you find yourself finishing each other's sentences? When you picked out beach houses you'd share with both your teacher salleries during the summertime? When you can't even stand to listen to half of your ipod because the memory of that person seems so unreal?
What is that feeling? is it love? or is it the very beginning of the actual feeling?
After he said this, I was sort of sad. Why couldn't I have that same feeling too? Then I realized, 'helloooooo!? you are NINTEEN. not sixty. you have the rest of your life to feel that way!' So I pulled myself out of the sappy-sad-girl puddle and felt confident. I know that one day I will find that coreshaking, consuming, can't live without eachother love that I've only read about, watched movies about, and heard about in my psychology class.
Some might not think something like that would happen. But I have faith. I know I will one day. Until then, sure, it'll be hard. It's always hard. (twss) Like yesterday when I was driving down Devon dr. and I saw an older couple walking, holding hands and laughing at eachother's jokes. It made me sad, sure, I wished I had someone I could hold hands with and laugh at too. But you know what? I'm okay. I'll be fine. One day I'll find that certain boy that will do all those things with me and then some.
Until then, I'm going to keep working on the relationship with myself. Work on my friendships, getting closer to God, my school work, my job, Audrey... Eventually my core-shaking love will come along. And when he does I can say to him, "Well jeez, mister, what took you so long!?"
love, me.