I don't say it enough, but I love You more than anything God.
I talk to you in my head throughout my day, but I want the world (well, internet world especially) to know this. You are simply astonishing and leave me in awe every second of every day.
Thank You. I love You.
love, me.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
still you push away.
I'm sitting on my bed having the worst stomach cramps ever. The first season finale of America's Next Top Model is on and I always loooove to watch it. Fashion is one of my ultimate passions in life and seeing them shoot photos and rock amazing looks is so wonderful!
I had a wonderful weekend in Columbus. (: Me and Christy got to hang out. Saturday we went to a lovely sushi date and after that we went to see Star Trek with Josh. I LOOOVED that movie. the story is incredibly epic and I'd love to learn more about it!
I'm glad I got to hang out with all of them, I wish they lived closer. ): Or I saw them more. Josh made me another mix cd that has awesome songs on it. He's way cool. (: He's best friends with Aud which isn't weird or anything.
On a sadder note, I've sort of fallen away from God. I used to talk to him all the time, but I've sort of fallen into a huge slump and I feel like I'm drowning. My heart is completely shattered, and I need for Him to save me again. I know things will get better, but why can't I put more faith in God and know that He DOES have a wonderful future planned for me? Why is it that I'm caught up in the bad things and life sometimes seem so not the way it should be? I always say I'll put my hope, faith, life and dreams in God's hands... but do I ever really do this?
I think its really funny how life is NEVER how any of us planned on it being. Perhaps thats the point of life, really. We are put through tests, heartbreak and triumphs to test our commitment to God. So far, I'm struggling. God has given me wonderful feelings and people in my life, some stayed, but most left.
Also God I'm struggling so bad with my heart. Whats wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Do I not fit that picture-perfect cookie cutter ideal image? Please God, send me a sign. I'm so hurt and I feel rejected... which I know isn't a new feeling to you. But why? Is it because we're all human? Perhaps we're all incredibly foolish and don't know a good thing until its too late?
I need a sign.
I need You. I try opening my heart to You, but its so hard to open it to anything. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. I know You wouldn't hurt it, but I really am struggling. Please, oh please help me God.
love, me.
I had a wonderful weekend in Columbus. (: Me and Christy got to hang out. Saturday we went to a lovely sushi date and after that we went to see Star Trek with Josh. I LOOOVED that movie. the story is incredibly epic and I'd love to learn more about it!
I'm glad I got to hang out with all of them, I wish they lived closer. ): Or I saw them more. Josh made me another mix cd that has awesome songs on it. He's way cool. (: He's best friends with Aud which isn't weird or anything.
On a sadder note, I've sort of fallen away from God. I used to talk to him all the time, but I've sort of fallen into a huge slump and I feel like I'm drowning. My heart is completely shattered, and I need for Him to save me again. I know things will get better, but why can't I put more faith in God and know that He DOES have a wonderful future planned for me? Why is it that I'm caught up in the bad things and life sometimes seem so not the way it should be? I always say I'll put my hope, faith, life and dreams in God's hands... but do I ever really do this?
I think its really funny how life is NEVER how any of us planned on it being. Perhaps thats the point of life, really. We are put through tests, heartbreak and triumphs to test our commitment to God. So far, I'm struggling. God has given me wonderful feelings and people in my life, some stayed, but most left.
Also God I'm struggling so bad with my heart. Whats wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Do I not fit that picture-perfect cookie cutter ideal image? Please God, send me a sign. I'm so hurt and I feel rejected... which I know isn't a new feeling to you. But why? Is it because we're all human? Perhaps we're all incredibly foolish and don't know a good thing until its too late?
I need a sign.
I need You. I try opening my heart to You, but its so hard to open it to anything. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. I know You wouldn't hurt it, but I really am struggling. Please, oh please help me God.
love, me.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Stop Motion
I love love lovely love this video buttloads! I've decided to film my first stop motion video this weekend! (:
Also, I've put on a couple more pounds due to me having a sudden passion for fast food (mostly sonic and their chicken wraps and delish fries - the terds!)So I'm going to take a picture of myself every day to see the difference in weight loss, hopefully I'll see some improvement. I'm going to run everyday like I did a good year ago, so maybe that'll do some work. (: This should be fun! I downloaded the program that can help make photos into a video for the stop motion effect. Stoked!
I'm also stoked for this weekend. eep!
Anyway, I'm off to read more of Georgia Nicolson's marvy life. (:
Saturday, May 9, 2009
fix your stray eyebrow hairs, please.
Today I answered the door and a Jehovah's witness asked me what I thought of Hell. I told her that as long as Jesus is your Savior, he'll protect you from it. She shook her head and said "Thats what everyone seems to think."
What!? I wanted to slam the door in her face.
Who is this Jehovah character?? I'd like to inform him on a thing or two. The lady was incredibly odd and told me that me and my husband need to read the magazine to save ourselves. I told her I wasn't married, and that my parents were asleep and she just continued on.
Oy vay! Crazy people in this world. I'm glad Jesus saved me. (:
What!? I wanted to slam the door in her face.
Who is this Jehovah character?? I'd like to inform him on a thing or two. The lady was incredibly odd and told me that me and my husband need to read the magazine to save ourselves. I told her I wasn't married, and that my parents were asleep and she just continued on.
Oy vay! Crazy people in this world. I'm glad Jesus saved me. (:
Friday, May 1, 2009
Updates and whatnot
Apparently I fail at updating this thing. Oh well. (:
I'm sitting up at Elements enjoying a chocolate redefined with cherry added to it. It's positively delish! I'm working on some homework too, but I figured I'd add a little something to this.
A young dad and his 5 1/2 month old baby are here. He calls his son "L Man" for short, and everytime he squeals his dad looks up from reading and smiles and says, "I totally understand", "Yeah man", or something of the sort. It warms my heart to see such love and devotion. Its nice to know that there really are genuine guys like that out in the world, I can't wait to find that perfect, genuine guy who would be more than willing to spend the rest of his life with me. Its adorable. If I had my polaroid I'd snap a photo to hang in my room.
I've been busy with school and work. I'm having to put my foot down with Mrs Terri who wants me to dedicate my life to hibachi and not my school work. No way in hell I want to work there the rest of my life, and if it weren't for me being so attached and no other job paying 9 an hour I wouldn't be there anymore. I don't work as much, which isn't so bad. Its nice having time away from there. I didn't do so hot this semester, schoolwise. I haven't felt as happy as I usually am, for good reason. Now that this semester is coming to an end I can't wait to start the next. No reminders, no nothing! Easy, tennis and math. Aud will be in daycare soon too. We are putting her in Sherwood. I'm glad she will have some sort of structure and teaching going on, because she isn't learning much being cooped up at mom's house I'm afraid. And when she goes there, I can spend more time on me, which will be lovely. I've fallen away from myself and become a sort of void of what I used to be. I am very excited to dedicate time to myself, then I can dedicate better time to Aud and everyone else.
Katie and I have sort of started hanging out again, which is really exciting. I missed her. (: Me and Ramsey got to spend more time together too. I missed her as well. I miss Christy tons too, I really can't wait to see her, even though I always nag to her... She knows its all out of love. (:
This summer I plan on running before tennis around Lake Loretta with my sister. I think we're going to try the whole running photography scene like they did in Yes Man. I'm so excited for everything! Especially the summer, new beginnings! Warped Tour for one, I'm stoked. (:
I wish I didn't feel so mopey now, but I know I'll get better once the semester is over with.
I've found a new favorite book that I've dedicated my life to, haha. Louise Rennison's Georgia Nicolson series! I go to Sho Guns almost every day and read it. Its very fun, and incredibly relaxing.
Anyway, back to my studies! Ta ta for now kiddies, and hopefully soon I'll have interesting things to write about.
love, me.
I'm sitting up at Elements enjoying a chocolate redefined with cherry added to it. It's positively delish! I'm working on some homework too, but I figured I'd add a little something to this.
A young dad and his 5 1/2 month old baby are here. He calls his son "L Man" for short, and everytime he squeals his dad looks up from reading and smiles and says, "I totally understand", "Yeah man", or something of the sort. It warms my heart to see such love and devotion. Its nice to know that there really are genuine guys like that out in the world, I can't wait to find that perfect, genuine guy who would be more than willing to spend the rest of his life with me. Its adorable. If I had my polaroid I'd snap a photo to hang in my room.
I've been busy with school and work. I'm having to put my foot down with Mrs Terri who wants me to dedicate my life to hibachi and not my school work. No way in hell I want to work there the rest of my life, and if it weren't for me being so attached and no other job paying 9 an hour I wouldn't be there anymore. I don't work as much, which isn't so bad. Its nice having time away from there. I didn't do so hot this semester, schoolwise. I haven't felt as happy as I usually am, for good reason. Now that this semester is coming to an end I can't wait to start the next. No reminders, no nothing! Easy, tennis and math. Aud will be in daycare soon too. We are putting her in Sherwood. I'm glad she will have some sort of structure and teaching going on, because she isn't learning much being cooped up at mom's house I'm afraid. And when she goes there, I can spend more time on me, which will be lovely. I've fallen away from myself and become a sort of void of what I used to be. I am very excited to dedicate time to myself, then I can dedicate better time to Aud and everyone else.
Katie and I have sort of started hanging out again, which is really exciting. I missed her. (: Me and Ramsey got to spend more time together too. I missed her as well. I miss Christy tons too, I really can't wait to see her, even though I always nag to her... She knows its all out of love. (:
This summer I plan on running before tennis around Lake Loretta with my sister. I think we're going to try the whole running photography scene like they did in Yes Man. I'm so excited for everything! Especially the summer, new beginnings! Warped Tour for one, I'm stoked. (:
I wish I didn't feel so mopey now, but I know I'll get better once the semester is over with.
I've found a new favorite book that I've dedicated my life to, haha. Louise Rennison's Georgia Nicolson series! I go to Sho Guns almost every day and read it. Its very fun, and incredibly relaxing.
Anyway, back to my studies! Ta ta for now kiddies, and hopefully soon I'll have interesting things to write about.
love, me.
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